"Is this really what i've become"

i defeated the purpose of such set things

now im letting the pain fall on me as rain

i try to stand back up i try to gain

but in the end i still fear that nothing will change

bring the pain bring the solitude

im still gone be that lonely stoner skater dude

but with myself im having a battle yup a long awaited feud

but right now i don't even think god know what will conclude

colors aren't bright and the sky looks grey

the moon doesn't shine... and were back to the aged day

im misunderstood.. but a genius in my own mind

so i wear my skinny jeans and let my intelligence shine

i look up at the stars and see only one thats bright

i feel the need to save myself but.. theres never a feeling of delight

i look into her eyes and see unworldly things like oceans of pain

and a wonderful brown a darker shade of champagne

i wonder what im gone do i wonder will she choose me

but but in the end all that really counts is whose happy

thoughts of suicide runs deep through my head

lonely feeling deep depression it feels like im dead

im getting weaker and weaker as time progresses

not getting over myself not learning life lessons

pause for a second.... and complete the sentence of sadness

now night terrors are taken over.. im hearing sounds of madness

not many people of this planet understands

so with my plants i leave and head to mars back where this all began

artificial happiness.... is only what that gives me

in the end all that ever wants to do is kill me

but should i stick around should i continue letting my self breath

should i commit suicide should i keep smoking weed

in the end after everything is said and done

i'll wake at 3:00 in the morning holding a gun

the further she is the more this thought expands

but when shes close to me this thought disappears and my brain began to dance

but in the end i kno that she will never be mine

so i take my razor out and start slicing my arms one at a time

but is this truly me??? is this really what i've become

a little emo kid who always feels like crum

i dont know i dont really care at all

i feel like a rock on the edge of a cliff getting ready to fall

so as the wind starts to chill

as the birds fly south my dreams wont be fulfilled

as she be with him and as my mom goes to jail

this dark pain will follow me and cause me pain i cant mend

as my grades decline.... and as my self esteem descend

as these days goe by as suicide impend

i will be this lonely kid jus waiting... waiting for the reaper to come

but i still look myself in the mirror and say "is this really what i've become"